Freedom vs Destined

I still remember my bible study teacher once told me a story that I would never forget...

If you were to lead an ant back to its nest...how will you show it its way in order that it will reach its nest safely? The common way is to watch the ant as it crawls...you will let it has its own route but when you see that it's heading to a danger spot, you'll intervene by using your finger,slightly push it back to the right track...however, though the ant will choose a long,not the straight forward road, you will not force it to walk by using the ONLY way as long as it reaches the nest safely...

It's a description used to describe the confusion between our destined that is determined by God while at the same time, God gives us freedom to choose... it's a paradox..in one hand, our life is destined by God (whether to be saved or else ) but in another hand, he gives us freedom to choose to follow him or not...

I once asked..what else to choose if all these have been planned by him far ahead, far before I was borned? But now I understand the wonders of His hand.. to be chosen to know Him...it's by His grace that we are chosen, given the privilege to know Him, we are saved. Freedom is given as we run the race till the end...freedom to choose among various ways, various routes...but the destination is still the same..God intervenes when we are heading to a dead end, He is there to bring us out, to lead us back to the right track...

We always ask the same question : If God loves us, why does he allow pain to happen in our lives? If God loves us, why does he not save all of us whom he has created? If God loves us, why why and why???

I would ask...if man has no choice but to follow ONE law, ONE way..no freedom... will you feel you are loved? If you were tied around your neck and carried along the way, having no freedom to choose how you want your way to be, will you say that you are being loved?

In fact, if God would give us a chance to choose whether to follow Him or our ways... I assure you that none of us will choose to follow Him.. think again...none will choose to follow Him...if God is not there to intervene in our lives, none would like to follow Him... be thankful if God chooses to intervene in your life, be thankful that He chooses to show you the right way...be thankful...

He has the power not to choose us because the Creator always has the right to choose how to deal with what he has created, He can choose to use it or on another hand, he can choose not to care about it... we are His creatures, He is our Creator...it is by His grace that He allows His name to be heard by you... Be grateful because He chooses to show Himself to you on this earth..be grateful that your life is full with sweet and sour memories...not everyone has the privilege to hear His story...be grateful and give thanks...

A confession to make

Lord I confess that I have wandered
Far from Your purpose and plan
And willingly walk in the wrong direction
I've disobeyed your commands
Father forgive me
Spirit come lead me
Back to the way, back to the truth
Back to the foot of the cross

Show me the ancient paths
Lead me along eternal highways
I want to walk in the ways of Jesus
I want to enter your rest
Show me the ancient paths
Lead me along eternal highways
I want to follow the footsteps of Jesus
I want to enter your rest

The story of 3 years+3 hour =lasting memories

My convocation just passed last week. I had a great time resting and also sharing my joy with my family members and friends. 3 years in UM... I think God does not only put me in the place just to complete my studies but most importantly to teach me how to live my life esp continue be a light for him until he takes me home one day.

Sometimes it's hard to express my gratitude on things that happen in my life whether it's good or bad but everything comes with His purpose to mold me to be more like Christ. I cherish the time of gathering with Christians in campus..how we've struggled through bad moments and how we've celebrated the joy that happens in campus....

However..campus is not only a place where I've grown spiritually but also in all other areas... meeting up with friends, learning to be a person that strive to please God in all that I do. I thank God for all the friends that I've met, that have accompanied me throughout my life in campus, bringing joy to my life that has become great memories that I can hardly forget....

3 years in kl... I've stayed with my lovely housemates that still continue keeping in touch... i miss every seconds that we spent no matter in teasing each other, caring or learning to stay together under one roof... carrying our house theme " live harmoniously..." i miss them alot ...

3 years...away from Ipoh... recalling the hard times my parents have gone through just to make sure that their children are able to survive outside the comfort zone... providing their best not only financially but continue to show their love and care through phone calls..taking action in travelling down to kl to meet us and providing the best in accommodation, education and also whatever they can... and more and more...to pray for us, praying for our safety and also our closeness with God... thanking them for being my parents...my graduation is for them... it's not for myself but for them...

Phew...using 3 years to complete my degree while convocation only lasted for a day (or maybe just 3 hours??).. thanks for those who came and celebrate this joyous moment... thanks for being part of my life..making my life colourful in all ways.. thank you....

Learn to be lonely (Phantom of the Opera)

Child of the wilderness
Born into emptiness
Learn to be lonely
Learn to find your way in darkness
Who will be there for you
Comfort and care for you
Learn to be lonely
Learn to be your one companion
Never dreamed out in the world
There are arms to hold you?
You've always known
Your heart was on its own
So laugh in your loneliness
Child of the wilderness
Learn to be lonely
Learn how to love life that is lived alone
Learn to be lonely
Life can be lived
Life can be loved
Alone


The songs of Phantom of the Opera keep playing in my mind for the past few weeks. I searched back my CD collections and start to listen to the songs I like most-- The Phantom of The Opera. I love the ending song- 'Learn to be lonely'.

It speaks right into everyone's heart. It is undeniable that we have to learn to be lonely. Stepping into working world lets me discover that there are difference when I was studying compare to working now. People are more willing to share their thoughts and feelings while studying compare to working. We become more secretive and try to keep everything to ourselves, scared to expose our true self.

But God asks us to be true in our Christian life, to live every second that brings honour to Him. I know that I'm not alone in Christ. However, there are thousands and millions of people out there who live their life being lonely not only physically but emotionally.

Disappointments come, hardships occur... God says that it is through all these, we know how blessed we are and how God has brought and will bring us through. I can see problems as a way of God bringing me one step closer to knowing him. But, to those who don't understand.. disappointment is purely discouragement in their lives.

The call is there, to learn to serve and not to be served; to learn to comfort and not to be comforted; to learn to be a good listener to others..to learn to respect people... to learn to understand and be patient..to learn to be humble...

I pray that I may not be a Sunday Christian... but God may use me in my daily life to touch other's life. I want to be a living testimony... the road is narrow, hardship comes, disappointment appears but it's worth traveling when God is beside me always..

Be courageous, be strong.. my heart, my soul and my mind...do learn to listen to God's voice...may His peace surrounds you.. may you find joy in serving Him...

CHEERS!! :)

My thoughts...

My life, God's way... it's always good to reflect back the thoughts that once were in my mind, a commitment to God to live my life to the fullest to honor Him in all I do. Two months of stepping into a working world, I didn't regret taking this step to continue to serve God and obey Him in my daily life. No doubt, it is hard and there is still a long way to go.

I love my job a lot; not because it is an easy task. Indeed, it is a challenging one that uncertainties await me once i step into my office. God assures me that he has a purpose in putting me there. A Christian is a christian wherever he goes, whatever he does...not only on Sunday, but everyday, every second, we are God's children, His ambassadors. We should not be carrying a mask but to be a true self whether in church or outside the battle field.

I love my colleagues, everyone of us has different characters, unique in our own ways. Just like a church, we must work as a body. People may not see the importance of working as a body--a body built up by different parts,given different functions yet heading towards a same purpose. Indeed, it is always easy to speak than to do..yet, that is what I prayed--that God may lead, he may guide and he controls the situation. Bad things may come but it is only when we have gone through bad moments then only we know how to appreciate and give thanks for the blessings that come our way.

Pride Kills

I always think that everything is under my control and things will go smoothly as long as I keep my principal well, take good care of it and eventually, it will end well. However, I prove myself wrong. It is while I have so much confidence on myself that there the danger of falling flat is so near,strong and vivid. Humbly I come before the Lord, I seek for forgiveness as pride has overtaken me and create in me a strong confidence on myself yet unknowing that it's a no.1 killer that kills my relationship with God.

I'm so complacent with things that I owned. I have a job, though not earning alot, still afford to sustain my living; I have parents to accompany me; I have free time....But what are all these if there's no God in my life? I start to lose focus, laziness crawls slowly into my life,intends to comfort me with tonnes of excuses of not obeying God in my daily life. The power of His Word and the importance of prayer once spurred me to continue to seek Him daily. My previous few posts spoke so loudly about how important for me to depend on God daily... just less than a month, things change so quickly. I laugh at myself, hah!! My pride kills me, the second I start to rely on myself and my strength, there I start to fall unconciously. How easily can a person be defeated by himself when he starts to lose focus on God, yet, how many of us will take it seriously with this disease that will bring disaster to our spiritual life.

I questioned myself: Does coming back mean that serving God has stopped? Does starting my work life mean that I'm too tired to commit in serving in the ministry that God has called me? I tend to give myself alot of excuses of being a pew warmer..." I served before, I should take a short break now".. Instead,there shouldn't be any chance of 'pause' in serving if my heart, my soul and my mind is right with God. The passion and the love for Him should be so strong that there's no time to think of stop loving Him in ALL that I do... yet, I love myself more than the One who loves me so much, the One who gave His Son to die on the cross for you and me, the One who does not see my weaknesses and my ugliness and reject me...the One who created the whole universe yet sees a tiny little one of His creation as precious in His eyes.... How could I forget? How could I ignore? How daring that I just want to please myself not Him? Forgive me Lord....

Don't and never ever under estimate the power of our own desires, they can destroy us. Thank God for giving us His Holy Spirit to teach us and bring us back to Him wherever we go astray. One once said that a true Christian can never backslide easily, they may fall but once chosen by God, we can never run away from Him, His hand covers us, protects us, keeps us near to Him.. how wonderful it is if we learn to know Him in depth.

There's always a choice

He was oppressed and afflicted yet he did not open his mouth, he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth. - Isaiah 53:7

The centurion, seeing what had happened, praised God and said," Surely this was a righteous man." When all the people who had gathered to witness this sight saw what took place, they beat their breasts and went away. But all those who knew him, including the women who had followed him from Galilee, stood at a distance, watching these things. -Luke 23:47-49

I start to discover the beauty of God's Word and how it really becomes my source of strength and wisdom as I journey through my working life. Everyday, new challenges come my way especially in forms of criticisms, negative comments, false statements, gossips that I do not want to hear from yet happen.

When Jesus was led to be crucified and to die on the cross, knowing that He himself did not sin,He did not defend, fight back or flee away from the hands of those who captured him the night before his crucifixion. He said nothing not because he has done anything wrong but he knows what he is doing: to die on the cross, to save his people from eternal death and from the wrath of God. He humbly, consciously being led to the cross, all in all, to obey God and fulfill the wonders of God's grace and love that we will be saved through him. He did not fight back, argue even though he has the power to do so.

The wonder is that the truth will always be revealed at the end of the day; when Jesus died on the cross with the miracles that followed during his hour of death ( the temple curtain was torn into two, earthquakes,darkness covers the day..), soldiers, people who were on that spot knew that they have killed the wrong person...indeed Jesus is the Son of God! The truth is revealed, those who criticised Jesus felt ashamed, guilty of what they have done...some hide, some repent.. Indeed, God knows how to protect those whom he has chosen, not only Jesus, but His children on earth...

God's wisdom is what I need to face my daily challenges. I can choose to fight back when I hear what is unbeneficial to me, I can choose to be angry, I can choose to be ignorant and be stubborn. But, I am called to choose to follow God's way. Taking revenge or fighting back, though I may win the argument, may cause broken relationships, hardships, negative impressions and bad testimony. I choose to be like Christ, silent is not always equal to foolish, but to God, in some ways, it is the wisest choice compare to defending and rebuking. It makes my life easier, to see people back-stabbing, gossipping yet not affecting my mood because as long as God knows what I'm doing, as long as I know what I'm doing does not sin against God, I should not be so calculative and hold tightly on it... let God settle the problem, I should focus on the tasks given to me in my workplace.

I rejoice because I find peace and joy in living my daily life with God's Word as my guidance. There are more challenges ahead of me, I should not fear but constantly pray not only for myself but colleagues who help me and also those whom God has put into my life to make my life more challenging...haha... thank God for them as without them, I may not know how great is my God.

A forgetful mind

I started working back in Ipoh since 1st June, have gone through 7 working days. I still feel uncertain of my job description but looking forward to see and experience the new challenges that are ahead of me. Sometimes, I may feel pressured with the work I'm doing, handling it carefully, trying to minimize the mistakes that may be unbeneficial to the company and also myself. Maybe I should take things one at a time, slowly develop my confidence in the new phase that I'm entering into.

Sometimes, I just tend to forget why I chose to come back Ipoh to work at the first place. These few days of working in Ipoh brings unsatisfaction in my heart, I didn't really find joy that I experienced at my previous jobs either in KL or Ipoh. I started to examine and question myself, where have things gone wrong? I started to think back on the purpose of me choosing to come back to Ipoh instead of continuing my life in KL after graduate.

My core purpose is to spend more time with family while I'm still available ( in terms of still in single status). These first few days in Ipoh is a test for me. There's not really joy in me as I did start to blame myself on why I come back where KL is full of freedom and entertainment compare to Ipoh. Have I forgotten the calling? Have I forgotten the promises that I've made? Yes, my selfishness of just wanting to fulfill my own desires, to find happiness with the entertainment I once get from KL hinder me, cover my love upon my family. It does not only affect my life but also people around me especially my family members. Once hearing the good news of me coming back to work has now become questions in their mind : Have my little girl made a right choice to come back to work? Is she feeling happy now? Are we, as parents have forced her to come back to work? Will she be happier if she stays in KL in the first place??

I've forgotten the feelings of those who love me... I am too focus on how I feel, thinking of what I might be doing at this moment if I'm in KL. I've neglected my family's feelings on the current situation that I'm facing which will bring them uneasiness also. Is the place that I choose to work so important? Is entertainment so important to me?

I've forgotten the calling of God on earth. Why should I ponder so much on how I feel instead of starting to think of what I can do since I've moved back to Ipoh. Yup, why should I keep wasting my time on unwanted thoughts and leaving the importance of serving God wherever I am, wherever God has put me in.

I pray for his guidance. The joy should come from my inner heart, my soul and my mind. What is God calling me to do here while I'm in the place He has put me in. May he continue to speak to me. My work is not my all, but my soul is what I should be caring of. My joy comes when I start to obey God and do what he wants. God will lead me, he will not leave me alone as what he has promised me and to those whom he loves and those who obey him.

I will wait upon his guidance. One day, when I look back and ponder on the journey of my life, I may see the wonder of his hands that I may not understand now but will be revealed when time comes. Dear Lord, please constantly remind me of your love that you have shown on me that I should feel blessed and joyful rather than pitying myself not knowing the abundant grace and love that you've shown me now and will be showering throughout my life forever.

Where am I?

I suddenly discover that I'm so far from God...yet He remains close to me. I use my own strength to please God, to control my life and foolishly think that things are going well. I ask for more on worldly things, God's Word works so weakly in my daily life and I tend to ignore God. Where am I? I think I've lost the direction. I strive to get acknowledgement from people around me, to be accepted by others...but are all these things that I keep striving to get acceptamce from God? He calls me, whispers to me, asking me to come back to him. Where have I put His Word? Where? I should come back, I should listen to my creator, my God. Thanks for calling me, if not, I'm not sure how far I can go without You in my life.

Living for Jesus

Living for Jesus a life that is true;
Striving to please him in all that I do,
Yielding allegiance, gladhearted and free,
this is the pathway of blessing for me.

O Jesus, Lord and Savior, I give myself to thee;
for thou, in thy atonement, didst give thyself for me;
I own no other master, my heart shall be thy throne,
My life I give, henceforth to live, O Christ for thee alone.

Living for Jesus who died in my place,
bearing on Calvary my sin and disgrace,
such love constrains me to answer his call,
follow his leading and give him my all.

Living for Jesus wherever I am,
doing each duty in his holy name,
willing to suffer affliction or loss,
deeming each trial a part of my cross.

Living for Jesus through earth's little while,
my dearest treasure, the light of his smile,
seeking the lost ones he died to redeem,
bringing the weary to find rest in him,

Be still, my soul

Be still, my soul, be still, my soul
Cease from the labour and the toil
Refreshing springs of peace await
To troubled minds and hearts that ache
Be still, my soul-God knows your way
And he will guide for his name's sake
Plunge in the river of his grace
Rest in the arms of his embrace

Be still, my soul, be still, my soul
Though battles 'round you rage and roar
One thing you need and nothing more
To hear the whisper of you Lord:
"Be still, my child - I know your way
And I will guide for my name's sake
Plunge in the rivers of my grace
Rest in the arms of my embrace"

May I learn how to depend on Him in my daily life....

Time of transition

1 more month ..I'm leaving kl back to Ipoh, leave my 2 years staying together with a bunch of friends.. I start to miss them...I start to wonder when will I see them again while each of us are separating to pursue our own dreams. I still remember the time we discussed to stay under one roof as long as we are still in kl, but things will change. It sounds so easy to say goodbye but indeed doing it is thousands harder than I expected. But I should learn to let go, time will help me to be used to the upcoming new environment. It was just like yesterday that we moved in into K7B..time passes so fast. Hope they too understand the hard feelings to be apart...but good memories are always in my mind, to remember the times we spent together.. thanks for being my housemates, no arguments, our house theme : "wo wo hei hei, wo hei seng qun" (和和气气，和气生存) ... miss you all so much =)

Human is stubborn!!

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.".... "So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God- through Jesus Christ our Lord!" (Romans &: 15-16,21-25)

I keep on being stubborn, I keep struggling thinking that what I'm doing now, I depend on God's strength to help me; but in reality, I use my understanding and my strength to solve problems, to make decision. Is that what God wants from me? I wonder how deep is the depth of my trust towards God.

Just like Solomon asking wisdom from God and it was granted to him (2 Chronicles 8-12), O Lord, I pray for wisdom too...that above all, You may grant me wisdom to acknowledge your ways for " Your thoughts are completely different from mine, and Your ways are far beyond anything I could imagine" (Isaiah 56:8). Who should I rely on besides you, my Creator?

Hannibal Rising

I went for a free movie last night without knowing the true story line about it. Hannibal Rising is a story of young Hannibal Lecter who lost his family during World War II and starts plotting revenge on the barbarians responsible to his sister's death. It's a thrilling story to me and I'm quite worried that I won't have a good sleep after that.

It stirs my mind on how cruel and insane one can end up to be in times of despair, famine and war. A thought comes into my mind when I was watching this movie: surely these situations will repeat when war comes as everything that happens on earth repeats itself though we may think that it's new, it's just a repetition of history. I was triggered by my thoughts. How I wish I won't live until that war time where I'll see human eating human just to survive, there is no compassion, no feelings and there are only selfish people doing whatever they want just to make sure that they survive at that moment.

Another unbelievable thing is seeing Hannibal taking revenge on those who have killed his sister for food during the war. Unforgivable heart will not only harm others but ourselves too. How crazy one can act just to take revenge and not learn to forgive others. I think it is not easy to forgive too but how God forgives us for the many wrongs that we have done everyday tells us that we should forgive others and it is up to God to judge the people. No doubt that it will take a lot of courage to do so; Without God's Word and guidance, I don't think we are able to do so.

I don't like the ending of the story where Hannibal is able to kill all those who have killed his sister yet without being caught. Maybe there's part 2 for this movie... To me, it doesn't bring any lessons to us besides 'encouraging' people to kill and take revenge and with a thought that we may not get caught in the end. It's just a movie to tell others the process of demanding pay backs from the barbarians, no scene of forgiveness and love.

I personally don't like the story for it does not draw any good intention to the audience.. what say you?

New journey

Yeah... my 3 years in uni ends soon, though I'm taking 3 papers and it takes me only 3 days to sit for my exam out of the 1 month exam period..haha... the most relaxing semester I have. It's a time to step into another phase of my life where I'm not fully prepared for it. I miss the uni life alot, spending time with friends, having flexible hours of studying, lepaking and day dreaming. I don't think I'll have this kind of life once I step into the working world... I start missing it...should I continue studying?? haha... never cross my mind for the meantime. Oh...let's cherish the remaining time I have, breathing more of uni air, have some uni food (though some of my friends may not treasure the uni food, I some sort of like it, haha).

I trust that God has a purpose in putting me in UM at the 1st place. I never regret stepping into this place, learning from people around me. I've grown alot spiritually, mentally and emotionally. I learn to be more independant. Discover the strength and weaknesses in my life that I never discover. Discover how silly and lame I can become and yet being serious when it is necessary. I know that when I look back the time I spent in uni in next few years, I'll surely thank God for the up and down moments I experienced in uni. Surely everything that happens in life is not a coinsidence but it's journey that God has prepared for me in order to continue to lead me for my next phase of life.

My uni... I'll miss you eventhough there are bad moments too. Coz He has used this place to build me up and He will continue to do so wherever I will end up to be in my future.

Have I given my best?

I think I struggle alot in lending my hands to those who need help. Many times, the desire to do what I have to is greater than to sacrifice my time and willingly help others. There are many testimonies in my life where I see my friends lending their hands to others though in small ways yet they do it out from their heart. They offer to fetch juniors who walk to uni though they are not that close with them, they care for people whom they know. I am intimidated by their action and start to ask myself whether I'm living out a good testimony for God. Maybe I think too much of myself, do I really need to think twice when helping people even in small ways? All these can only be done truthfully, automatically, out from my heart, when I understand God's word and His life on earth.

When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. "Do you understand what I have done for you? he asked them. " You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord', and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know this things, you would be blessed if you do them. (John 12:12-17)

My agony, ignorance may hinder me from really understand what God wants me to do on this earth. May He constantly remind me to humble myself, to serve and to love one another as he himself has shown when He was on earth. I pray that God may grant me a heart of compassion to love others rather than doing all these using my own strength. May He let me know that my life helps paint my neighbour's picture of God.

More like the Master I would live and grow,
More of His love to others I would show;
More self-denial, like His in Galilee,
More like the Master I long to ever be.

Why should I blog?

It's the 4th day of starting a blog. I questioned myself why I should blog. There are so many things in my mind that my mind does not have enough space to store them. Writing a blog may help me remember what I've gone through and helping me to analyse what's next for my life.

There's always an intention to tell people what I do, what I think, how I feel. I hope that I may not change the purpose of me blogging. I pray that I may not blog to please people, to make known to people who I am because this may destroy the content of my blog as I will start being careful in what I say, in what I type so that it may look 'clean', nice and readable.

However, a blog should be something that may help me to grow in person and in my spiritual walk. It may be a tool for God to touch other people's life. I should not control the content, edit it just to make others happy.

May it be something that comes from my heart, may it be a blog that speaks what God intends it to be.

星光灿烂

谁扶起你当你跌倒
谁为你擦去眼泪
谁是你脚前的灯光
谁照亮你的生命

是你主耶稣 代替我的软弱
是你主耶稣 叫我卸下重担
将我拥抱

我的生命充满了光
我的灵魂为你歌唱
就算黑夜依然星光灿烂

你的爱将我照亮

by 叶晨星

Morning

As I was walking back from my class just now, a call from within my heart to check whether I feel better today. Indeed , I am compare to yesterday. I know that God's peace is with me despite of the busyness I'm currently facing. I remember the downcast moment I was in, pitying myself that I have so many things yet to complete and the uncertainties I face currently. Surely, the problems are still there, they do not vanished from my life, I still have to go through it but the situation is different. I'm not using my strength to overcome the troubles but God is with me.

I read Lamentation 3:19-32 today. God gives me the assurance that troubles may come, disappointments are along the way of my life, my soul may feel downcast and despair but God's love and compassion do not stop. They are new every morning, He is faithful forever.

Verse 32 said : Though he brings grief, he will show compassion. Yup, grief comes from God but it does not stop there, God's compassion continues from there to let us see how weak we are that we can only depend on Him to gain strength and courage to move on. He is there to help us.

I must learn to be thankful for all the circumstances that come my way. They may make my life hard and bumpy but it is through all these that I experience God's love to me. I will give thanks to God for everything that comes my way as all things happen with a purpose of changing me to be more like Him.

Lamentation 3:19-32

I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.

I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.

Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope;

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself," The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;

it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord.

It is good for a man to bear the yoke
while he is young.

Let him sit alone in silence,
for the Lord has laid it on him.

Let him bury his face in the dust-
there may yet be hope.

Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him,
and let him be filled with disgrace.

For men are not cast off
by the Lord forever.

Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
so great is his unfailing love.

Climbing higher

Revelation 4:1
"Come up here, and I will show you what must take place after this."

God shows me how He works in each and every life in a different way including mine. I still remember I prayed to Him to show me where He wants me to go after stepping down as PKV committee last year. I thought that my next place would be more in serving in church. Instead, He gave me a chance to continue to involve in PKV activity that is the recent Easter celebration that was held last 2 weeks.

Indeed, His ways are higher and only He will know what is best to us. I thought that He will use me to help others to plan this event as I'm a senior among them. Things turn up different from what I thought. I thank God for His ways of letting me grow in Him and humbling myself as what he wants me to learn.

I thought that I'm a patient girl while he proves me wrong. I thought that I have great faith in Him but He shows me how little faith I have in His eyes. He shows me how weak I am, far from His standard. How unprayerful I am, how tiny I am that I cannot stand in His presence but to hide in a corner far from him and humble myself, to submit and forget myself.

Despite the revealing of my weaknesses, God does not leave me alone. The purpose of revealing does not stop at the point of me discovering all these and feel humiliated but the purpose is to bring me back to Him and ask me to rely on Him, his strength rather than to depend on myself.

Words cannot express what I've really gone through, how i feel and how God is working in me now. Only God knows, only I can feel it personally. I thank God for his love that he shows to me despite of my imperfect being. I thank God that he does not abandon me but let me see how weak I am and how impossible for me to do all things using my own understanding and strength.

I may not fully understand His way, the depth of His love, surely I won't be able to understand all. Yet, I have to trust Him that He know the best because my life comes from Him and I belong to him. Though hard times may continue to come my way, the joy that he gives me will help me to go through it and make me more like Him day by day.

Without Thee

John 15:5

"Without Thee"-Lord, Thy promise stands,
That all my work leaves empty hands.
It is Thyself, Thy life in me
That brings true blessings all can see.

My struggles,tears an wretched strife
Are part and parcel of my life
There is a peace, a power, a joy,
All waiting now me to employ.

How strange it is, in days gone by,
My Christian life was try and try.
Now, Lord, I've found the secret true,
Thy life in me lived through and through.

'Twas easy then to say the phrase
"God works in many wondrous ways."
But now, 'tis marvelous to see
God works His wonders out through me.

"Greater is He that in you lives"-
How great the promise that He gives.
His risen life, dynamic power,
Are mine to use through every hour.

I simply bring myself and stand
Safe in the hollow of His hand.
Untold delights and joys exist
In having all I so long missed.

He clothes Himself with such as me,
Puts on my frail humanity;
Then using me to do His will,
He can, in me, His work fulfill.

'Tis His responsibility,
His plan, His peace, His power-not me,
I rest in His abounding grace
And gaze with rapture on His face.

"Without Me-ye can nothing do"
Nothing-not one-Thy word is true.
How terribly we fail to see
Thy word which tells us- "Without Me."

I thought it meant-without Thy Will,
Without Thy help and yet, Lord,still
Thy word stands simple, clear and true-
Not without these-but without You.

Thou art the Truth, the Life, the Way.
"All power belongs to Thee," we say;
How simple, Lord, could we but see
It is not help we need- but Thee.

Then grant me, Lord, the grace to rest,
Quiet, confident,obedient, blest,
Believing all Thy promise true-
I can do all things, Lord-through You.

A new task in my life

It's my turn to try up new things. It's not intended to let people know what's happening in my life, rather, it's a way of letting myself to think while throwing out what's in my mind.