Sunday, July 22, 2007

Pride Kills

I always think that everything is under my control and things will go smoothly as long as I keep my principal well, take good care of it and eventually, it will end well. However, I prove myself wrong. It is while I have so much confidence on myself that there the danger of falling flat is so near,strong and vivid. Humbly I come before the Lord, I seek for forgiveness as pride has overtaken me and create in me a strong confidence on myself yet unknowing that it's a no.1 killer that kills my relationship with God.

I'm so complacent with things that I owned. I have a job, though not earning alot, still afford to sustain my living; I have parents to accompany me; I have free time....But what are all these if there's no God in my life? I start to lose focus, laziness crawls slowly into my life,intends to comfort me with tonnes of excuses of not obeying God in my daily life. The power of His Word and the importance of prayer once spurred me to continue to seek Him daily. My previous few posts spoke so loudly about how important for me to depend on God daily... just less than a month, things change so quickly. I laugh at myself, hah!! My pride kills me, the second I start to rely on myself and my strength, there I start to fall unconciously. How easily can a person be defeated by himself when he starts to lose focus on God, yet, how many of us will take it seriously with this disease that will bring disaster to our spiritual life.

I questioned myself: Does coming back mean that serving God has stopped? Does starting my work life mean that I'm too tired to commit in serving in the ministry that God has called me? I tend to give myself alot of excuses of being a pew warmer..." I served before, I should take a short break now".. Instead,there shouldn't be any chance of 'pause' in serving if my heart, my soul and my mind is right with God. The passion and the love for Him should be so strong that there's no time to think of stop loving Him in ALL that I do... yet, I love myself more than the One who loves me so much, the One who gave His Son to die on the cross for you and me, the One who does not see my weaknesses and my ugliness and reject me...the One who created the whole universe yet sees a tiny little one of His creation as precious in His eyes.... How could I forget? How could I ignore? How daring that I just want to please myself not Him? Forgive me Lord....

Don't and never ever under estimate the power of our own desires, they can destroy us. Thank God for giving us His Holy Spirit to teach us and bring us back to Him wherever we go astray. One once said that a true Christian can never backslide easily, they may fall but once chosen by God, we can never run away from Him, His hand covers us, protects us, keeps us near to Him.. how wonderful it is if we learn to know Him in depth.