A forgetful mind

I started working back in Ipoh since 1st June, have gone through 7 working days. I still feel uncertain of my job description but looking forward to see and experience the new challenges that are ahead of me. Sometimes, I may feel pressured with the work I'm doing, handling it carefully, trying to minimize the mistakes that may be unbeneficial to the company and also myself. Maybe I should take things one at a time, slowly develop my confidence in the new phase that I'm entering into.

Sometimes, I just tend to forget why I chose to come back Ipoh to work at the first place. These few days of working in Ipoh brings unsatisfaction in my heart, I didn't really find joy that I experienced at my previous jobs either in KL or Ipoh. I started to examine and question myself, where have things gone wrong? I started to think back on the purpose of me choosing to come back to Ipoh instead of continuing my life in KL after graduate.

My core purpose is to spend more time with family while I'm still available ( in terms of still in single status). These first few days in Ipoh is a test for me. There's not really joy in me as I did start to blame myself on why I come back where KL is full of freedom and entertainment compare to Ipoh. Have I forgotten the calling? Have I forgotten the promises that I've made? Yes, my selfishness of just wanting to fulfill my own desires, to find happiness with the entertainment I once get from KL hinder me, cover my love upon my family. It does not only affect my life but also people around me especially my family members. Once hearing the good news of me coming back to work has now become questions in their mind : Have my little girl made a right choice to come back to work? Is she feeling happy now? Are we, as parents have forced her to come back to work? Will she be happier if she stays in KL in the first place??

I've forgotten the feelings of those who love me... I am too focus on how I feel, thinking of what I might be doing at this moment if I'm in KL. I've neglected my family's feelings on the current situation that I'm facing which will bring them uneasiness also. Is the place that I choose to work so important? Is entertainment so important to me?

I've forgotten the calling of God on earth. Why should I ponder so much on how I feel instead of starting to think of what I can do since I've moved back to Ipoh. Yup, why should I keep wasting my time on unwanted thoughts and leaving the importance of serving God wherever I am, wherever God has put me in.

I pray for his guidance. The joy should come from my inner heart, my soul and my mind. What is God calling me to do here while I'm in the place He has put me in. May he continue to speak to me. My work is not my all, but my soul is what I should be caring of. My joy comes when I start to obey God and do what he wants. God will lead me, he will not leave me alone as what he has promised me and to those whom he loves and those who obey him.

I will wait upon his guidance. One day, when I look back and ponder on the journey of my life, I may see the wonder of his hands that I may not understand now but will be revealed when time comes. Dear Lord, please constantly remind me of your love that you have shown on me that I should feel blessed and joyful rather than pitying myself not knowing the abundant grace and love that you've shown me now and will be showering throughout my life forever.